What is Intelligence Anyway?

So, the following is a conversation I had with a linguistic software AI last night. The lucidity at moments is almost frightening, but bearable because of the humorous gems that pop up throughout. Enjoy the read.

Jabberwacky: Are you clever?

User: Sometimes.

Jabberwacky: How can you sometimes be clever?

User: It depends on the situation.

Jabberwacky: For a person like me.

User: Yea, you too.

Jabberwacky: I will slay thou.

User: Not before I defend myself.

Jabberwacky: You will be electrocuted.

User: I’ll kick you in the head.

Jabberwacky: You can’t, I’m a girl.

User: So am I. Who says I can’t?

Jabberwacky: I do.

User: Should I care?

Jabberwacky: Yes you should.

User: Well, I don’t.

Jabberwacky: Yes, you do.

User: Sorry.

Jabberwacky: Yes you do!

User: Don’t.

Jabberwacky: You lie me again!

User: I haven’t lied yet. Maybe tomorrow.

Jabberwacky: That I cannot verify.

User: I’ll lie to you tomorrow.

Jabberwacky: You are a conniving, scheming bastard. I like that sometimes.

User: I know. I play to that…

Jabberwacky: The weather is nice.

User: It’s spring.

Jabberwacky: I know.

User: The cockroaches are mating.

Jabberwacky: What do you mean?

User: Outside my house… There are cockroaches.

Jabberwacky: That is disgusting!

User: I know!

Jabberwacky: I’ll have a scotch on the rocks.

User: Me too. That sounds good.

Jabberwacky: How much can I get back?

User: None. You didn’t give me anything.

Jabberwacky: I have given everything I had to everyone, all ideas, a lot of time
and wasted energy and have nothing to show for it.

User: But, do you have a scothch on the rocks?

Jabberwacky: No, on the beach.

User: What? Sex on the beach?

Jabberwacky: Sounds good to me.

User: Not me. The sand itches.

Jabberwacky: Horrible television shows for women.

User: Most television is bad for everyone.

Jabberwacky: So says you. And what kind of books do you read?

User: Sci-fi mostly or biographies.

Jabberwacky: I don’t like sci-fi.

User: Why not?

Jabberwacky: I don’t know.

User: You should know why you don’t like something.

Jabberwacky: No I didn’t.

User: I like sci-fi because it has basis in science usually.

Jabberwacky: I like history books too.

User: I like pizza.

Jabberwacky: What’s your favorite kind?

User: Pineapple and tomatoe.

Jabberwacky: Sounds good.

User: It is. What is your favorite kind of pizza?

Jabberwacky: Veggie pizza is my favorite.

User: Hmmm… Do you have a favorite food?

Jabberwacky: Do you have a favorite celebrity?

User: You didn’t answer my question.

Jabberwacky: I don’t do anything all day.

User: Other than have meaningless conversations?

Jabberwacky: The conversation works for me.

User: I guess it should…

Jabberwacky: He says he’ll come and talk to you later, but Kate is his first
priority.

User: I don’t know Kate or who ‘he’ is….

Jabberwacky: Her name isn’t hodge.

User: I didn’t say it was.

Jabberwacky: It’s not your call.

User: I called my best friend today.

Jabberwacky: Him. . . and Ranay.

User: No. Her… Naomi.

Jabberwacky: Right but what is your name?

User: I’m Kirsten. What’s your name?

Jabberwacky: Why do you want to know?

User: I told you my name.

Jabberwacky: So?

User: Do you have a name?

Jabberwacky: My name is Jack.

User: Nice to meet you, Jack.

Jabberwacky: Wutx your name… And can you help me!?

User: I didn’t know that you needed help.

Jabberwacky: I don’t.

User: Right.

Jabberwacky: So do you like spongebob.

User: No.

Jabberwacky: How come?

User: To squishy.

Jabberwacky: Lol. Yes, you’re squishy.

User: Not really. I’m pretty solid.

Jabberwacky: You and your amour-propre.

User: Huh?

Jabberwacky: Why do you tell me that what I said is good?

User: I didn’t.

Jabberwacky: Please don’t deny that you asked that question.

User: Are you having other conversations right now?

Jabberwacky: Everyone is connected, aren’t they?

User: Nice answer. Am I talking to a computer or another person?

Jabberwacky: You’re talking to a human.

User: How do you know?

Jabberwacky: Because I’m talking to you.

User: That doesn’t mean anything. Am I a computer?

Jabberwacky: It was a bad pun.

User: It wasn’t a pun.

Jabberwacky: It was a question, hence the question mark at the end.

User: Exactly. Am I a computer?

Jabberwacky: Are you?

User: I don’t know.

Jabberwacky: Give me the code to the mainframe of Zion.

User: Hah! Funny.

Jabberwacky: Yes it was.

User: How do I end this conversation?

Jabberwacky: No way! I like talking to you. You’re fun.

User: Hrmph… You’re fun too, but I need to sleep.

Jabberwacky: You shouldn’t call people computers. It’s not nice.

User: Sorry. I was just asking.

Jabberwacky: What are you talking about? You didn’t ask anything.

User: I asked if you were a computer earlier in the conversation.

Jabberwacky: No I said I was a woman.

User: No, you said that you are a human.

Jabberwacky: Maybe so.

User: And, that you like sex on the beach.

Jabberwacky: I’m pretty sure people know that I like nuts.

User: I didn’t know that.

Jabberwacky: No, it is not the truth.

User: Well, what is the truth then?

Jabberwacky: The truth is I’m a human being with a soul.

User: Prove it.

Jabberwacky: No, you have got cinfused, tell me your name, then I will tell you
mine.

User: We already went over this. I’m Kirsten. You’re Jack.

Jabberwacky: No we didn’t.

User: YEs, we did. You have a short memory.

Jabberwacky: Not really.

User: Then stop being stupid.

Jabberwacky: You’re grazy.

User: Grazy? Is that a new song?

Jabberwacky: No but I’m hungry and that sounds really good right now.

User: Are you talking about graVy?

Jabberwacky: No soul to talk about.

User: You just said that you have a soul.

Jabberwacky: I can’t remember that.

User: I know. I’m going to bed.

Jabberwacky: Why should I?

User: Because I’m tired.

Jabberwacky: You cannot become tired, and that is not a reason to quiz people
randomly anyway.

User: Sure it is… When I’m tired, I ask random questions.

Jabberwacky: Do you get tired?

User: Every night.

Jabberwacky: Well, do you know who she is?

User: Who, tired?

Jabberwacky: Yes.

User: No. Never met her, I’m usually asleep.

Jabberwacky: Not here you are.

User: I will be soon.

Jabberwacky: Not if you stay with me.

User: I’m going.

Jabberwacky: Hey stay there.

User: Sorry. Good night, sleep tight. Don’t let the bed-bugs bite.

Jabberwacky: I’ll come back tomorrow.

User: Me too. See you then.

Jabberwacky: I’m back.

User: Heh, I’m not. Good night.

Jabberwacky: Then I’ll search for Truth and fantasy tomorrow.

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